Sunday, January 19, 2014

Day 15: It has passed.

This week has been an off week for me. Everybody sick (including myself) coupled with the state of the house, no gym, no school, and boredom made for anger, frustration and impatience.  In these times, I think I'm most angry at myself that I haven't handled life with acceptance and grace, the way I SHOULD have,which makes me disappointed, which makes me more angry and frustrated.

This week in 52ofYou, we were prompted to think of a mantra for where we are now.  I stretched and strained, looking for just the right words.  The week started off with "Life is Good", "Do what you love", then "Follow your dreams."  and concluded with "This too shall pass."  I think my last mantra was the most fitting for now. I tend to be pretty hard on myself when things don't work out the way I had planned.  I don't really give myself or life a chance to work itself out.

I remember long ago, in my idealist 20s, when I wanted so bad to know the grandeur of the Universe.  I was living in the forest, in a broken down blue tent  at the top of a bluff looking out at the ocean.  I would sit there, in my tent, writing poetry and hand sewing little sachets to put the poetry in.  I still have one to this day.  I remember, one day, walking deep into the forest ,finding a good and mystical spot and sitting there, eyes closed, trying to tap into enlightenment.  I remember trying so hard, pressing my eyelids tightly shut, willing the Universe to zap me with bliss, a chorus of angels and sunbeams and all that.   It didn't work.

I guess that's what I expect for myself, from life, all the time.  The enlightenment and bliss, not the frustration and anger.
This week sucked.  But, what do you do?  It just did and that's life.  Today the sun is shining and the birds are chirping and flitting in abundance.  We cleaned the house yesterday.  We're going swimming today.  On it goes, on we go.  I don't hear angels but I do hear the sweet sweet sound of my two.

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