Dying Iris

I am going to make everything around me beautiful 

- that will be my life.

                                           Elsie Dewolfe

Some days some quotes hit you like a ton of bricks.

When for weeks,

life has seemed like an uphill battle where 

EVERYTHING 

is going wrong.

Then, 

just like that

the winds change

and life starts to move you in an entirely 

different        

            direction...

...with one less obstacle in your way.

Welcome to the Fuck it Forties!

The night before my birthday is really my New Year's Eve.
There is anticipation and reflection, and projection and planning.  What do I want for this next year?

This is a big year for me.  I feel it deeply.  I have reached my stride and found where I belong.  I know who I am and what I love.   I'm here and I'm totally fine with where this is.

This is my year to Flourish.  To get better, to make better, to shine.  I don't need to struggle with figuring myself out; I'm figured.  And I'm good.

So, this is my plan:
3 days a week yoga (I managed a pretty consistent year last year, but not quite 3 days)
Eating well and juicing. (Yay for $5 juicer at ARC)
Personal writing (more of it, either here or in a journal)
Professional writing (Perhaps an article about the farm, and a couple more grants)
Another 52 photo project (I'm thinking 52 of Us)
Expand on Dog Photog.  (More than my once a week at the HS-perhaps for social change?)
The Farm (This requires a whole planning session of its own.  There is so much...)
Go to another conference. (Like a GOOD one.)
Organize some workshops...

Last year was a year to establish myself in the Community, to show what I am capable of and perhaps (without knowing it) to prove myself.  This is my year to shine, to flourish and expand on what I started.  I think the hard part is over (I think?), feeling fear and facing my critic.  I learned that if I just do, if I move past the what ifs and into possibility, than I can DO anything.  And I did.

So, here I am at 40.  (Toronto time, where I was born.)  This is my year, my 'Fuck It' year, and I am so very excited to take it all on.

The Beginning.

“For last year's words belong to last year's language

And next year's words await another voice.

And to make an end is to make a beginning."

~ T.S. Eliot

Today is a New Year.
I said I would sleep in but the habit of waking early with the sun was too strong,
to go to the farm, to get things done,
to be One with the goats and the chickens and the rabbits,
despite the cold,
despite flurries,
in the orange glow of a new day...

The End.

I passed the torch, for today.
And reflect on this past year and the next.

And after I crashed into a mailbox and she gave me a bottle of wine.
4:44 The Universe said.
A sign.
That everything is OK.
To trust
To Believe.

"Enjoy in small bits." she said
Just a glass.

These were the first words,
in another voice.
Turning not so good into a celebration.

The beginning.

Both Sides Now.

It's hard to wrap my head around...

New and Old.

Life and Death.

This is the miracle.

To watch the twitching, smiling, innocent face of my new sleeping cousin,

And the still and shallow breath of my Nan.

These are right now.

This is Life.

Real and Raw.

The beginning and an end.

A Gift

I'm not really sure what happened, or what I think...

But, I know that it's a gift.

Everything is.

To be involved and on purpose

To be IN tune and INtentional

To feel fulfilled and growthFULL

To know...

Yes.

To know.

I had a dream.

This is my happy place.

Outside, doing farm chores,

troubleshooting goats

chickens

rabbits.

Despite the cold and snot dripping from my nose,

garden gloved fingertips that feel the prick and burn of freezing.

I AM in this place.

I AM all of me and more.

A time for every purpose under heaven.

I was reminded of this lately.  Nearly 20 years ago.

Time Flies...

And with it we ride the wave of good and bad, 

We change.

We grow.

We get better.

And, we remember how awesome a time we once had.